Khandi : Greater than a Triple Threat

golden-girls-love-cheesecake:

September 14, 1985- May 9, 1992

(I realized I haven’t written shit here in a WHILE … ppl probably think I abandoned my weblife and shit lmao)

*sigh*

As I arise from a much needed nap.
I haven’t slept properly in days. I haven’t eaten properly in days. This evening was the first time I fell asleep with such ease. (Then again, I’d usually be at work these times) …

But everything has been on the rocks since my uncle passed away last Monday. My favorite uncle. The one who helped raise me, and my two cousins (his sons, of course)..

I titled this entry Love
Because I learned so much about love today.

Today was his funeral.

I had to sing at his funeral. This was my first time singing at a funeral ever in life…
I remember wanting so badly to sing for my grandmother, to see her off a few years ago … but all I could do was cry. I tried to stay strong for my mother, and so I held on for the majority of the time… but with every hug, with every word, it slowly broke me down.. and I remember I ended up on some chair, with my head in my lap.. crying my soul away.

My uncle was the coolest man I will ever know.
Yeah his clothes did it, his oldschool tracksuits and three piece suits with a hat to match.. He didn’t have a lot, but he did what he had to do -  to be cool lol …
Of all the things I will miss, I will miss our talks the most. And I will miss his voice. Because I don’t think I will meet another soul, who could speak louder than him. He had this voice. Rock hard, and distinct. You hear it as a child, make you Never wanna be in trouble…

It played out in my head many different ways, of how today would go.
But in terms of singing? … there were days I’d try to practice, but my vocals were so exhausted that I sounded so .. (-___-) .. and I’ve never really reached a point of exhaustion that would allow my vocals to suffer.. and so I knew I wasn’t at my best. But with everything on my mind, and the stress some days carried … I just wasn’t sleeping much.

I envisioned standing at the podium, with my cousins by my side… and we even agreed to it the day before at my uncle’s viewing … but it didn’t go as such. I knew it would have been too hard for them…

But I went up there today, gave one two words about my uncle. I didn’t want to speak much because if I did, I knew I would have cried.. and I felt it trying to come and so I cut my words short. His wife and his daughters were in the front row, and his one daughter was Weeping that loud hurtful cry… right in front of me…

I knew that in singing at a funeral, that there would be a higher level of focus and concentration required - and that I would have to ‘block out’ a lot ..and/or everything ..

I closed my eyes.
And I started to sing, ‘His Eye Is On The Sparrow’ … for a millisecond, that first word - “Why” … I really felt I was going to crumble.
I mean, I’m standing there by myself, all eyes on me, and I have to sing this song… knowing I’m either going to soothe someone’s soul today, or make them cry even harder, or make myself cry …

I put my hand over my heart, and I left it there.
And I continued…

I made it through the whole song. My concentration almost crumbled 2/3 of the way …
But I made it.
And it was bittersweet.
I just wanted to send my uncle off, without choking..

My uncle was a loving man. He loved his family so much, and was always so proud of his family, and was always So proud to let his friends know Who his family was.

A couple of my cousins’ (and mine) good friends came out today. I loved that.
They’re practically family.

Today, whole day … it was Sunny.
As soon as we wheeled out the casket, it started to drizzle.
Put the casket into the hurst, and it began to drizzle more …
Vehicle drove away, and it began to pour.

And I’ve never seen things work in that way.

And many of us just stood in rain.
I held my cousin so close.
I don’t know if the rain help to ease the pain, or made it worse … but perhaps a bit of both. My cousin remained in the rain for a while longer, and his best friend stood right by his side.

To me that was the greatest love among friends I have ever seen and known.
It was damn cold, and rainy … but he stayed there, to be by his boy’s side, during his time of great need.


I hear and see many people talk about friendship, and crew, and all sorts of bullshit they know nothing about, and that they are not willing to wholeheartedly invest in, ever … on a daily basis.

Labeling individuals who do them wrong daily and have proven to be fraudulent - as members of their “crew” … and I hear and see people throw around the word “family” to those whom they “roll with” .. just because it’s ‘cool’ …

That’s not family.
That’s not your family.
That’s not love.

Through thick and thin, rain or shine, rocks and hard places, sickness and health, childhood and grown. ass. shit.

The ones you live with and grow with, that are there day in and day out.. Really there..

That’s Family.

That’s Love.

brb.

togetherhiphop:

It’s our pleasure to post Khandi’s new single Watch Your Step.  We’re used to Khandi as being a songstress sitting by the piano (which is why we don’t usually post her music, we’re hip hop son!), but on this joint she broke us off with some bars as well.  Show her some love y’all!

DOWNLOAD: Khandi - Watch Your Step (Prod. KrisblaiR)

(Source: togetherhiphop)

I feel like I’m slowly reaching my …

I don’t even know anymore.